Kellyann May Navarre. I got my URL from the meaning of my first name. I'm 17. Detroit Michigan area. Currently in college for a psychology/mental health major after graduating high school two years early.
I'm a taekwondo instructor under my master that certified me. Currently 1st dan black belt... Though I should be 2nd as of March 20th 2014... but my master passed... I went through a lot in my journey to reach my black belt and am still struggling in this journey. It's my life.
I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. (emotional regulation disorder) A chronic mental disorder where emotional reactions in the brain are hypersensitive/seizure like (abnormal firing off in the brain) and do not regulate or process well. This leads to a lot of difficulties in my life, but it has made me stronger and more understanding. I battle daily.
I am a Christian. I'm not homophobic, and I don't care what your beliefs are.
I play guitar in a metal band, while I can also play bass guitar.
On my blog, my posts are related to psychology/mental health, sports/martial arts/fitness, and other things I enjoy (music, animals, etc) Feel free to ask me any questions regarding these topics, or for any support/help regarding any of these topics. I care for each and every one of my followers. Note it may take me a little to reply.
TRIGGER WARNING: (I try to keep at minimum) SOME THINGS I POST MIGHT TRIGGER PEOPLE. I ALWAYS ADD TRIGGER WARNINGS.
Because I didn’t think I would wake up every morning sweating and shaking out of anger that I lived to see another day
I never thought I’d want the life taken out of me to spare anymore of this hell
I didn’t think everything could get taken away from me
You know, right when you think it’s o.k. it’ll get taken aagain and it’s a cycle
Be put to the top just to drop immediately
It’s like people keep trying to tell me they know how it feels to be alone again
To lose everything I cared about and the only person I could actually feel somethin towards
What was that? It was love. it wasn’t romantic love.. it was love, for the first time, of feeling understood, comfortable, and like I wasn’t alone.
For the first time I had someone. I had the other part of me and I wasn’t scared anymore, I had someone I could actually call family and not be scared of them, not feel humilated
And then it’s gone within a second
And they keep trying to tell me they get it
But I will tell you right fucking now, you do not get it
Cause I lost so much more than my hopes, confidence, happiness, and plans that night
I lost the other part of me, I lost about 50% of my soul
There isn’t a god damn second where I am actually 100% certain I don’t want to die
I’m either waiting to die or ready to die
I’m either crying on the inside or crying on the outside
And when you think you get a break, it happens again
YOu’ll get the voices, the pictures, the dreams,
Then you’ll relive it everyday of your life
And then there are people that have the nerve to tell me they get it
People keep telling me I can get back up, it just takes time, it’s not the end
As if they are some sort of God or fortune teller
As if they actually understand
I don’t care how much you think you do
I would rather die
It’s the worst when you know what you could have been and would have been
And they simply tell you to not focus on it and live in the now
But they just show more and more how they do not get it
As if I magically have some control over it
As if it’ll just be ok and I can do whatever I want
I can’t. And you know it.
I am not where I am supposed to be and we all know it
In every part of my life. Everything.
What am I supposed to do?
I am not alive anymore. They claim they get it but they fucking don’t.
Because I look at the window and wonder what it’d be like to jump
Or go in front of that car
Or what it would be like to actually look in the mirror and genuinely smile for once
And they tell you they get it
That is the biggest lie you’ll ever believe
Because I am pain, nothing more, nothing less.
And then I look around and want to scream
TO see those taking the shit for granted I would give anything to have
Complaining about the most pathetic shit I can think of
And all I want is a smile
This, children, is how we used to connect to the internet.
this gif should be slowed down immensely for accuracy.
I can hear the sound as I watch this and it makes me want to scream.
Yes I remember this clearly and the loud obnoxious noises and everything AOL has oh my god this sucked so bad I couldn’t stand this
<—- useless piece of shit
My fuckkng God I’m in the fucking high school for the fuckkng driving class and I’m in a fuckkng desk and they’re annoying AF except one kid I used to take tkd with I talked to that was nice cause he’s not an asshole
Really though this place stupid as hell
Why the fuck do i have to be here
The class is in the fucking high school
I’m gonna flip more shit
I’m gonna end up flipping shit at this driving class I wanna sleep and leave me alone
"Do you like waffles or pancakes better? Or neither?"
— Asked by Anonymous
It really depends on the kind lol but neither really maybe waffles a little
Friday the 13th 1980
I feel sorry for you all
Can someone please tell me why I am angry and bothered about the fact that I have to get my license in the next few weeks? -_- I really don’t care.
I’ve never understood the hype. I’ve been driving ATv and dirt bike since like 10 and competing since 14 and I don’t care about driving a car??? I mean I want to cause my parents are assholes but honestly I do not want to drive.
For one, I’m an idiot.
For two, i got the stupid 2nd class tonight for 2 hrs and two other days this week. Dude I gotta write my paper.
And I’ll probably be the oldest lol
And I don’t care.
Therapy session went fine and so did college class
Lol my professor said he doesn’t have to read the names to our papers sometimes cause we each have our own writing style and he can tell who it is by that
I thought that was pretty neat
Anyway with therapy… one, I just told her about the situation the other day with my parents and she was really supportive
The main “theme” was assumptions she said
How because people have assumed bad stuff about me and hurt me, I then assume everyone else will do the same
And the situation was related to that… my parents assuming bad things… my old instructor assuming bad things… and the way I been treated…then not even related, I just brought up how last time I was trying to be happy I got 100% on my paper but it was hard cause of those 2 stupid things at the test that happened like I assumed he assumed I was a disrespectful idiot for dropping my pencil and I thought he’d think I threw it cause I was mad
I was upset about that for like 3 days lol
Uh well it’s totally something that’d happen to me with my old instructor and my parents, for one.
And yeah I totally see that relation now. At first I didn’t relate it but then I was like oh
Next session I gotta bring up my childhood
Ok that makes it sound bad but I was just gonna trace back symptoms cause she said so
"How old are you?"
— Asked by Anonymous